My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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