I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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