Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
