Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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