I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize