i love accidental penises.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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