I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
