no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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