I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
