you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
