Can i not drive my cunt home
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
