some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
