I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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