i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
