remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen