No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.