My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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