I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i will never coherently bang her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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