It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
