I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
