It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
