I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
