There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
