fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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