im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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