I just threw up on my dentist
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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