It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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