2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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