I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
