Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
