we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
