i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
