Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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