Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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