I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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