Are we in a gay sports bar?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
