I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
