Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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