Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
