as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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