I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
