if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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