Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
