So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
