why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
