porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
