I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
