My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
