I wish life had little blips of pornography
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
