I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
