A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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