with your own penis?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Buhtt sex?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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