Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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