Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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