Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
