I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
