then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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