I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
