my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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