I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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