Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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