You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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