i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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