the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
