i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh god it's open bar.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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