i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
