Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
