I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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