Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
