Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
