I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
