I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
